Americans must read this once

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let us begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.

'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?''

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'F**k the Indians.'

'Now,who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?'

Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,   1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997! '

Now with almost mob hysteria, someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson (RIP) to the child witnesses testifying against him - 2004.'

The teacher fainted. And, as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!' And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was the American people, November 4th, 2008".(recession)

Laloo and piglet

One day Laloo was traveling by car. He was going to a village for campaigning . Suddenly a piglet came across the car, the driver couldn't hit the brake in time and the baby pig was killed in the accident . At this sight, Laloo was deeply moved and felt very upset. He called the driver and said ,"Jiska e suuar hai hum usko compensesan dena chahta hoon . Usko dhundke lav ".

The driver went to the nearest village and came back after some time with a tilak on his forehead, garlands around his neck and lots of money in his hands!!!

Laloo was surprised . He asked ,"Hum tumko kaha tha ke uss aadmi ko laiye , aur tum aise wapas aaye ho! baat kya hai?"

At this the driver replied " I told them about the incident .. Hearing it they were rejoiced , put tilak and garlands on me, then danced for some time and gave me this money."

Laloo then asked him "Tum unko egjactly kaa bole?"

The driver replied :

"Main bola, MAIN Laloo Prasad Yadav KA DRIVER HOON , MAINE SUAAR KE BACHHE KO MAR DALA HAI......... ."

So SWEET HINDI SMS

 

Aap ke haath mein Mobile hai,
chehray pe khoob Smile hai,
Msgs ki achi khasi File hai,
phir bhi sms nahi karte ho,
Ye kon sa STYle hai


Roshni deker doob jana koi suraj se seekhey..
Dil deker dard lena ki ada koi humse seekhey..
kuch na deker Dil lena koi unse seekhey..
SMS leker REPLY na kerna koi Appse seekhey


Kya leke aye they,
Kya lekar jaoge,
Mujhe SMS na karke,
Zalim kitne Paise Bachaoge!


Meri taraf say apko 1 "PAPPI"
Apki saheli ko 1 "PAPPI"
Saheli ki saheli ko 1 "PAPPI"
Batau Q?
Aaj hi mere "DOGGY" ne 10 "PAPPI" ko janam dia hai!*


meri yaad aye: yaad karo.
Zyada aye : sms Karo.
Ussey zyada aye : phone karo
Ussey bhi zyada aye to millo
ager ussey bhi zyada aaye to ..
plz jhoot bolna band karo


kya ker rahay ho?
bussy ho?
kitna bussy ho?
ager kum ho to message kyun nahi karte ho?
ager ziyada ho to message kyun pad rahy ho ?

Marwadi Wish

A Marwadi having no child, no money, no home, a blind mother, prays to God.
God happy with his prayers, grants him only ONE wish!


Marwadi: I want my mother to see my wife putting Diamond bangles on my
Child's hands in our new home!


God: Damn !!! I still have a lot to learn from these Marwadi's


Lessons learnt from the above story:- 
 "Compile all requirements and present in one line rather than boring the appraiser for long time"

Hand Job: = $10.00

A women who'd been married twice and divorced twice was finally fed up. Her first husband beat her, and her second husband ran away with another women. Plus, she couldn't find a new lover to satisfy her
sexually, so she ran an ad in the classifieds;

Wanted: A good looking, single guy who won't beat me, won't leave me, and is good in bed.

About a week later, her door bell rings. She opens the door to find a man with no arms or legs on her front porch. I'm here about your ad,"he says. You  must be mistaken,"she says.

"Let me explain,"he says "I can't beat you, I don't have any arms, and I can't run away, because I don't have any legs."

"But,"she asks, "How do I know you're good in bed?"

"I rang the door bell, didn't I?"

*******************************

 A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich: = $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: = $2.50
Hand Job: = $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "indeed I am"

The man replies, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!

Get a hot mamma

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "Wow, you're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "I'm just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that! I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'"

Kaam wali shanti ko bulao

Santa: Kaam wali shanti ko bulao.!

Wife: Kyun?

Santa: Doctor ne kaha hai, raat mein dawa khane ke baad shanti ke saath so jaana.



One: Oye tera ek daant neela kyun ho gaya?

Two: Yaar maine ink lagayi hai.

One: Woh kyun.?

Two: Kyun ke aaj kal bluetooth ka zamana hai yaar.




Ek dost dusre dost se: Kya, tumne jhoot pakarne wali machine dekhi hai?

Doosra dost: Deki nahi mere paas mein hai! Are maine to usse shadi ki hai.



Ek police Inspector ke ghar chori ho rahi thi.

Wife: Utho ji, ghar mein chori ho rahi hai.

Police Inspector: Mujhe sone de, main iss time duty par nahi hoon.


Husband: Tumse shaadi karke mujhe ek bahut bada faayda hua hai!

Wife: Woh kya?

Husband: Mujhe mere gunaaho ki saza jeete jee hi mil gayi!


Abhijeet Kumar
"Zindagi ki asli udaan abhi baaki hai,
Zindagi ke kai imtehaan abhi baaki hai,
Filhaal to naapi hai mutthi-bhar zameen hi,
Abhi to saara asmaan baaki hai..."